I Have Problems
I am nowhere close to being the perfect human being, and more than I’d like to admit, I hate admitting my own flaws.
Here Goes Nothing…
- I am P I C K Y: I will only be happy with certain setups, and will refuse to do thing because I don’t have the *best* equipment laying around. I will avoid doing things that aren’t convenient and avoid tasks because I get scared. I will use these things as excuses of why I can’t when really it’s just because I won’t.
- I judge too much: I might know nothing about a person, but believe everything that I hear about them from someone else. I will take one look at someone and decide how I’m going to stereotype them before even saying hello. I will look away before even making eye contact because for some reason, I decided that I had the audacity to think of them as beneath me when I am really not all that special.
- I think anything is possible: When I look towards the careers that I want and the people who I want to be, I always thing that they are possible. Without even looking into what getting there entails, before I fully understand what words like machine learning and artificial intelligence means. I think that I can get straight As in classes when last semester, I averaged a C+. Yes, I dream big, but sometimes, it sounds insane. There is so so so much I need to improve on in life to get where I want to be and talking big and pretending that everything is okay is not how I will get there.
- I don’t care about charities: Or at least I say I don’t care about them because at some point in my life, it got embedded in my head that it was cool to be a mean girl, that maybe people would want to follow my lead if I was just a little meaner. It’s dumb, I know.
- I can’t stay on track for shit: I am always the schedule maker, and never the schedule follower. I spend more time saying what I am going to do than actually doing it. Things don’t juts appear out of nowhere, and I can’t learn skills by wishing upon a star. Disney fairy godmothers are not the answer to my problems. Discipline matters, and giving up is not a solution.
Yes, I am publicly naming out my flaws, flaws that probably no one wants to hire at their company. But, I am tired of hiding and trying to be someone who can do everything. I am tired of trying to be likable instead of being a person worth liking. I have spent enough time watching TV shows and movies, and getting the wrong ideas from them. I am done with thinking that I am better than people around me for absolutely no reason.
I am here being so publicly open about these facts because I want to be better. I want to be a better me, and this is another footprint on my path to being the best Alexis possible.